Run, Forrest Mbuzi, run…

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"Any marathon participant who has not completed the course after five hours will be picked up by a trail vehicle."

Do I need to mention more details on the suicide running business and a certain Mr. Kikuyumoja??  —  Baaasi.

Now, this fearless little Mbuzimoja, also known as Lady Kikuyumbuzi, who has recently checked the temperature up on Mount Kenya and who loves strolling Gikomba(a) market for stylish GOLA footwear and other goodies at a good bargain price, today told me that she thinks about taking part in Nairobi’s Marathon. The Half-Marathon, that is.

 Weeeh….Wot kind of woman is zzzaaaaht? Is she some sort of Wangari Maathai? Now what’s next? Will she conquer Lake Victoria and swim to Uganda one day?

I’m such a man. Give me a Mugumo tree and I will find a place to sleep. –  Women? Ati? Aren’t they the ones supposed to be doing the work?
Now, leave me alone and don’t bother with such silly questions. I am a hard working thinking man and I’ll need to find some sleep. And yes, if you happen to be on your way anyways, (please) make sure to get a nice beer for me. Yes, those cold ones from outside. Sasa, ûka!….ndûrehe maî!

Women. You give them uhuru and they start conqueering the world….and there’s no way we can stop them! And you know what? While they are busy planting trees, fetching water, raising the children and basically running the country (every country!), we’re still looking for the keychain that opens the door to our well-polished NYAYO car. What’s our role?  Mbugi ndîkîrîte mûriha! :-)

(@Kikuyumbuzi: I wish I’d be in NBO now…as for the marathon, DO IT. I am your man. I’ll massage your feet when you’re back, I will cook for you and play some music for you. At least something that I can do as well. Mimi.. me i am expert! :-)

me and polyphogamy

fonz.jpg Today it occurred to me that I will need to tell my esteemed readers something about my private life. You know, some of those juicy details that would never be glamourous enough to make it into high gloss magazines one would probably be reading at the favourite hairdressing salon.

Ndiyo, today I would like to tell you about my polyphogamy.

Being a very traditional person, I had managed to make some small deals here and there to eventually cough up enough dowry that would enable me to marry my loved ones.
Yes, plural.
I am a man with a big heart. Eh, how could I marry one woman only, if at the same time I can AFFORD even more? You see, I am a rich man with a biiiiig car and there’s always enough food at home. Besides, what is it that  women require? You will need to pay attention to them, care for them, play with them, give them lots of love and be a nice man all the time. You’ll need to be cool, but still lovely. If you follow those rules, there will be no trouble. Ha! That shouldn’t be too difficult…

Now, since I am just 29 years old and still need to earn more money, I’ve settled for only two women right now. As time goes by, there will surely be more women coming along. As a true Kiuk, I am naturally aiming at having nine plus one or maybe also eleven minus one women – all of which would have names like Wanjeri, Wanjiru, Wambui, Wangui, Wangechi…etc….Right now I am at numba one and two. Hey, and … well … you know …. a bit of cheating here and there..hmm? aahhh c’mon….you know, a man has his needs from time to time… And beware! — you know the traditions….if a woman decides to leave her husband, he has the right of claiming back all his dowry. Yeah. I am THE MAN.

My two beloved and honoured women at home are very different. As much as I like to have the big choice, I’ve managed to get a FAT one (Wanjeri) and a slim one (Wanjiru). Now, those ladies are already keeping me busy. Yes, they require a lot of energy from me and in the last 2-3 months I haven’t been at home that much, so I couldn’t play with them as much as I wanted to. But now I am back and…ohhhhh….I guess you know what that means? Yeah. As I said, I am THE MAN.
At home, that is.
I chose the FAT one because she produces a good sound when I play with her – you know all those aaaahhhs and ooohhhs. And the slim one? She’s not that active, rather passive. Needs a lot of energy to get goin’, but still, a wonderful slim figure and just the right body to suit my eyes. Both of them have a wonderful personality. Very tolerant, open-minded and somehow cosmopolitan. We get along quite well. I love them and they love me. I also love their voices – especially when they sing those lullabies to the child. The child? Yes, we do have a small son. We’ve given him the name "the baby" since we couldn’t find a better name. I already thought about calling him kîhîî but my andû-a-nja agreed that it wouldn’t be too smart to call him that way. Eh, we’re living by the rules of democracy at home. Well, at least I am still the man…

Oh! How could I be so rude! The Internet being a visual medium, I forgot about showing you some recent pictures of my loved ones. Sorry! Here they are: my beloved wifes and our son. Enjoy! :-)

(~speaking of gender-based issues – please make sure to check out this nice website I’ve just come accross)

Telefonmarketingterror

Gibt es eigentlich ein System (z.B. in Form eines Anrufbeantworters…statt "sie werden weitergeleitet"), das man seinem Telefon vorsetzen kann und welches dann die Damen und Herren ausm Call-Center höflichst bittet, von Telefonmarketingaktionen für Lotto-Tippgemeinschaften, neue Telefontarife und Zeitschriften Abos Abstand zu nehmen? Denkbar wäre an dieser Stelle für mich nur eine Rufumleitung mit einer Zwischenansage.

Das Verrückte daran ist: ich wohne hier SO dermaßen aufm Land, dass sie es immer wieder versuchen. Da die CallCenter Sklaven meist auch nur arme Studis wie ich sind, versuche ich meist nett zu antworten, dass ich kein Interesse habe. Dieses Mal habe ich dem Mädel aber direkt gesagt, dass ich kein Bock habe, worauf sie UNMITTELBAR aufgelegt hat. Erst freundlich am Telefon rumgeschleimt und dann plötzlich ein kurzes "oh" und ein "Klick". Dabei war ich nicht unfreundlich oder so, nur ehrlich und direkt.

Update: Kudos an Andreas für dieses überaus unterhaltsame Gegenwehrskript (= Meldung zum Einschicken…yeah….immer hübsch Meldung machen :-)

the average taste in music?

radiokl.jpg Music is life. Music takes a BIG part in my life. I love it. I couldn’t live without it. It’s not that I need this or that particularrrrr ngoma all the time, but still, I wouldn’t be able to stand the average mainstream music crap they are playing on the radio. As for Germany – all big stations have somehow adopted this "the best of yesterday, today and tomorrow" (sic!) slogan which equals, well, bullshit. It all ends up in a huge crappy mix of stuff that I don’t want to listen to.
(yes, I am VERY picky on that, sorry…)

Since most commercial radio stations play the average doobidooblabla, some people out there tune into internet radio stations, make their own radio programme of even just listen to their mp3s on mobile players. As for me – my taste in music is so diverse, I couldn’t even describe it. It somehow ranges from house to folk, from indy rock to Soukous, from Punk, Rock and Blues to HipHop, Reggae and Classical music. Even those Mashuptunes. Anything is welcome as long as it sounds good and isn’t too commercially exploited.

The other day while surfing on some blogs, I figured that some had this last.fm Button on their sites. Last.FM is similar to Pandora.com – you type in the name of a band, artist or song you like and the machine behind that website instantly plays a song by that band and others that (are supposed to) sound similar.
Now, with this last.FM website, there’s another bonus: a plugin called Audioscrobbler. This little plugin sends the ID3 tag information (metadata) of your mp3 files to this last.FM website (last.FM & Audioscrobbler merged in August ’05) and generates a statistic of your very own music profile – based on what you’ve been listening to on your computer. I had actually downloaded an older version of Audioscobbler on October 1st in 2004 but till today(!), I have always remained very sceptical about a plugin that finds its way into my beloved Winamp player (iTunes? No!) and sends out private data to a website? Wooiii?? Who on earth would be interested to know what Mr Kikuyumoja is listening to on his computer?
Questions. No answers. Only other websites featuring this peculiarrrr plugin. Hmm. Shall I give it a try? Yes. I did. Today.

 last.jpg

Now what’s this screenshot doing here?? ….it shows the official charts as played by users on last.FM. Hey hey hey – what’s that supposed to mean now? This Postal Service, Coldplay, DCFC, FF, The Killers, BlogggggParty – do we consider this mainstream music? NO! But those are the most played artists by users around the globe! Wooii???! How come our radio stations are torturing us with mainstream **** and on the other hand the unofficial charts as represented by listeners around the world are from the indy or punk rock genre? Isn’t it that most radio stations do have internet access – so they could just easily access such charts to eventually adjust their playlists and play what the majority wants to hear? Is it just this country? Questions. No answers.

The good side of it: most listeners on last.FM are just as picky as I am. Nice :-)

Du bist ein Video…

currenttv.jpg …you are a video. You are a video titled "The Battle For America". You are the highest rated video on an internet tv station called current.tv. You are a fantastic video created by Alrick A. Brown.

Alas, you also seem to have inspired some uncreative advertising weirdos over at JvM or KT here in Germany to come up with such a stupid campaign that goes by the infamous headline Du bist Deutschland (=you are Germany). And the battle has just begun…

P.S.: If you have a broadband inet connection and some time to spend, please make sure to check out this awesome "Joe gets.." series by Joe & Hassan ("We had initially planned for a porn site, but in the end, settled for this") on current.tv. ROFL ++++

P.P.S.: Current.tv isn’t just about funstuff – it’s about reality. That sort of reality we don’t get to see on tv.

P.P.P.S.: Beitrag Nr.6 :-)