me and polyphogamy

fonz.jpg Today it occurred to me that I will need to tell my esteemed readers something about my private life. You know, some of those juicy details that would never be glamourous enough to make it into high gloss magazines one would probably be reading at the favourite hairdressing salon.

Ndiyo, today I would like to tell you about my polyphogamy.

Being a very traditional person, I had managed to make some small deals here and there to eventually cough up enough dowry that would enable me to marry my loved ones.
Yes, plural.
I am a man with a big heart. Eh, how could I marry one woman only, if at the same time I can AFFORD even more? You see, I am a rich man with a biiiiig car and there’s always enough food at home. Besides, what is it that  women require? You will need to pay attention to them, care for them, play with them, give them lots of love and be a nice man all the time. You’ll need to be cool, but still lovely. If you follow those rules, there will be no trouble. Ha! That shouldn’t be too difficult…

Now, since I am just 29 years old and still need to earn more money, I’ve settled for only two women right now. As time goes by, there will surely be more women coming along. As a true Kiuk, I am naturally aiming at having nine plus one or maybe also eleven minus one women – all of which would have names like Wanjeri, Wanjiru, Wambui, Wangui, Wangechi…etc….Right now I am at numba one and two. Hey, and … well … you know …. a bit of cheating here and there..hmm? aahhh c’mon….you know, a man has his needs from time to time… And beware! — you know the traditions….if a woman decides to leave her husband, he has the right of claiming back all his dowry. Yeah. I am THE MAN.

My two beloved and honoured women at home are very different. As much as I like to have the big choice, I’ve managed to get a FAT one (Wanjeri) and a slim one (Wanjiru). Now, those ladies are already keeping me busy. Yes, they require a lot of energy from me and in the last 2-3 months I haven’t been at home that much, so I couldn’t play with them as much as I wanted to. But now I am back and…ohhhhh….I guess you know what that means? Yeah. As I said, I am THE MAN.
At home, that is.
I chose the FAT one because she produces a good sound when I play with her – you know all those aaaahhhs and ooohhhs. And the slim one? She’s not that active, rather passive. Needs a lot of energy to get goin’, but still, a wonderful slim figure and just the right body to suit my eyes. Both of them have a wonderful personality. Very tolerant, open-minded and somehow cosmopolitan. We get along quite well. I love them and they love me. I also love their voices – especially when they sing those lullabies to the child. The child? Yes, we do have a small son. We’ve given him the name "the baby" since we couldn’t find a better name. I already thought about calling him kîhîî but my andû-a-nja agreed that it wouldn’t be too smart to call him that way. Eh, we’re living by the rules of democracy at home. Well, at least I am still the man…

Oh! How could I be so rude! The Internet being a visual medium, I forgot about showing you some recent pictures of my loved ones. Sorry! Here they are: my beloved wifes and our son. Enjoy! :-)

(~speaking of gender-based issues – please make sure to check out this nice website I’ve just come accross)

Author: jke

Hi, I am an engineer who freelances in water & sanitation-related IT projects at You'll also find me on Twitter @jke and Instagram.

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