the open letter

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Dear Chancelorette Dr. Angela Dorothea Merkel,

you may not know me because I didn’t even vote for you during the last general elections, but rest assured, I am just an ordinary german chokora geek who happens to ask nasty questions and rants around in his third-rated blog on something we call the Internet (yes, that thing your buddy Joji Kichaka himself invented some time ago).
Liebe Frau Merkel – may I call you Angie? – my agenda is to promote those special relationships between Germany and Kenya.

I know both of us were born in the same city at different times, but when your parents decided to move to the East, mine decided to move to the very far East (Asia). So I take it that we both know where the East is located. And in case you didn’t know, Kenya is a country in East Africa. Africa, my dear, that continent in the south that some of your voters can’t even locate on the map but already identified as a cause of evil. Talking about the South – Germany has come a long way since the 1960s trying to integrate those turkish workers and their habbits and right now, with Turkey knocking on european doors, you’re still talking about a privileged partnership? Ahhhh c’mon, my dear, isn’t it time for a change? In fact, even Kenya has had their share of "Young Turks" with prominent leaders like Raila Odinga for instance, who’s fluent in German btw because he once studied not far away from where you obtained your permanent head damage (PhD).

To be honest – I never really liked your stubborn personality and your politics so far, but I really appreciate it that they’ve eventually made you become Chancelorette. I think this country – and many others – are in need of more female leaders. Why? Because women, I think, are more straight to the point when it comes to dealing with important issues without regard for any Befindlichkeiten.

The reason I am writing to you today is because I would like to tell you about those recent developments in this country called Kenya.
Kenyans are peace loving people ("watu kwa amani") who succesfully changed from the Moi era to the Kibaki era – which isn’t such a big difference after all, but that’s another story. So, just last week, Kenya had this referendum going on about a new constitution. These folks have been working on a new constitution for some time now and asked the public to vote on it. And it turned out that the majority (you as a democratic person, you know about the importance of obtaining a majority by all means, or?) actually disliked the proposed constitution. As a result of that and other internal twist, the acting president of the Republic of Kenya, Hon. Mwai Kibaki, sacked aaaaaaaaaaaalllllllll his ministers and their resp. assistants. He just sacked them. Just like that.

Angie, I am telling you all this because I know there will be a time in future when you’re thinking about such strong actions and you will dream about the time when you’re standing there in front of all those men and telling them to pack their stuff and go home. Yeah!

Since I know about your quest for wise consultancy on such matters (weren’t you considered the "daughter" of ex-chancellor Dr. Helmut Kohl back in those days when you joined politics?), let me give you this small advice:

YOU WILL NEED TO IMPROVE YOUR HANDICAP, Angie.

We’re talking Golf now, the Golf sport. Remember Joji Kichaka? Yup, he’s busy playing Golf. You’d like to learn how politics are actually made? Learn how to play Golf! In fact, next time you’re in Kenya, please say hi to Mwai from me and tell him that we over here at Kikuyumoja Inc. all appreciate his golfing skills. There’s a lot you can learn from others, my dear. And Golf will just be the perfect sport for you. Trust me on this one.

yours truly,

JKE 

Cito fit, quod di volunt

She’s never been the most perfect one – but I loved her nevertheless and took good care of her. Four and half years later and this special relationship is slowly coming to an end…

Ladies and Gentlemen – may I introduce you to my secret love-affair: Miss Tembo.

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Kiku’s Tembo a.k.a. ’89 Volkswagen Golf, 1595cc, 70 hp, manual

I remember the day way back in February 2001 when I first saw you under the dictatorship of a very strange woman who had tortured you for something like 12 years. Driving 60 km/h (~ 37mph) on the 2nd gear, hitting walls and sign-posts quite often and never (NEVER!) ever looking underneath the bonnet. Moreover, that woman (a retired flight attendant in her mid-50s) was chain-smoking and turned you into a moving ashtray – however, still wise enough to apply seat covers and some really weird sheep skins you’d normally find in dukas on Limuru Road.

I saved you from that misery, cleaned you from inside out and outside in and repaired A LOT of normal things like new shocks, clutch, tyres, air filters, sparks, gaskets, bearings, brakes…..uhhh….you remember this nasty heat exchanger right under the dashboard that failed earlier this year on Whit Sunday? Yes, and please don’t forget the body works I’ve been doing on your rear end last year during the summer. Those turkish guys in that DIY-garage already tried to persuade me into buying another car from them because – actually – all the time and money I invested weren’t really justified. My dear, you are old. Too old. You were built in January 1989 and dutifully served your drivers since then. I know it’s hard to admit, but I think it’s about time for you to retire.

You will always be special to me. You’re my very first >own< car, I even made special stickers for you which I had professionally printed out and applied on each side right behind the windows (covering up this stupid “Golf Manhatten” special edition logo). Unfortunately, I had to grind them down when I did those body works and recolouring, reapplying this dumb red colour that made you look like a shopping toy for bored housewifes. Yani, even Schumacher drives his red Ferrari, so it’s okay.

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Of course there were some days in your active career when things weren’t that imara. Like today.
Maybe it’s due to the cold weather outside, maybe it’s just a busted temperature sensor within the carburetor that needs to be replaced – however, while driving, the engine just went off. Whenever I braked, the engine went back into idle speed and went off. I will take you to a friends garage later on this week and see what we can do, but, honestly, my dear, according to GERMAN standards you’re old metal, taka taka, history. Yani, the DIY- jua kali spirit (~jua baridi?) inside me argues that you’re still in perfect condition, still taking me from A to B (more or less secure) and that you’re heading for an active career in Ghana or Nigeria or maybe even in the middle east (though they never put a power steering and an automatic transmission inside you, so you better forget about that arabian future). Also, I know there are lots of people out there that would love to turn you into a Taxi or maybe even remove some mabati in the back and turn you into a pick-up vehicle. Who knows?

Being the president of Kikuyumoja Inc., I had an interesting conversation with my CFO this last weekend and so I was told that funds would be made available to invest into Tembombili – which is just great!

Now, this country here is very very strange. You can go and buy a really nice & big Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Volkswagen, Ford, Opel (=Vauxhall), Saab & Co. for something like 2.000,- EUR (~ 2.400 US-$) and still won’t be able to drive it. Why? Because of this almost criminal thing called insurance costs and taxes. Taxes are something between 100,- to 300,- EUR / year, depending on the exhaust system and the size of the engine (ccm). Insurance costs, though, are just deadly. And confusing! I still don’t know which car I can buy next because this decision will just be subject to insurance ratings – which change every year! The rule of thumb is to drive a car with low insurance ratings – one that isn’t chosen by young drivers because they make the most accidents, thus raising insurance costs for that particular model.

My search has narrowed in to buying just another Volkswagen, most likely a VW Golf 3 Variant (estate/station wagon), a VW Vento (=Jetta) or maybe a VW Passat. All with around 1800 ccm, ~ 90 hp, antilock braking system (ABS), Airbags, A/C, etc. and – most importantly – no previous accidents so to avoid any further rust and corrosion due to poor repairing. And please, no 1989 stone age cars anymore. Maybe something like 1990 :-) No, seriously, 1996 or younger.

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sunshine & rain kill just about any sticker…

So why not a japanese or korean car? Toyotas, Mazdas, Nissans…they ain’t bad.Yes, they are not bad, but I don’t like the way they are built. The advantage with those Volkswagens is their quality – those old ones like my Golf are almost unbreakable (take them onto a dust road in Kenya and compare that with any KIA or Daewoo) and the accesibility of the motor. A japanese engine compartment is just packed with cables and machines so whenever you need to exchange some parts deep down inside, you will always have to remove other parts as well. That’s why many japanese cars do have an expensive maintenance scheme in Europe, and also because spare parts are expensive. A Volkswagen though will provide you with lots of space and accessability and also this make is so common here – every little kijiji or city has spare parts for those models. Another anoying thing about those moving ricecookers is their small engines that have high idle speeds and generate a lot of noises. Consumption though should be more or less the same.

Awww…..still a difficult decision. There are some ppl out there that buy cars and sell them again after a few months, but mine is supposed to last. I am very formal & conservative when it comes to the car issue and will always look out for a reliable, cost effective and quality model that will last for a few years instead of changing them every now and then. And then I am always looking for the jua kali approach, the Do-it-yourself thing on those cars. There isn’t much you can do as a hobby fundi on most modern cars. Just bring them to a garage and connect them to a BOSCH service terminal for troubleshooting. Aww…c’mon, there are still a lot of things on a car a computer won’t be able to identify. I think I am just spoiled by that Safari thing back in my head – always carrying a car jack, spare parts and lots of tools in the car boot.

Any recommendations?

Also, dear car owners, what’s the name of your car, btw? :-)

Kîrimû nî ta mwatû

Since there seem to be some vacancies in Kenya’s political scene, I’ve already written a short message to my golfing buddy Mwai and told him to assist me with this matter I’m having:

I am a german citizen, yani, politics here don’t pay. Over here, I would never get a nice Pajero, no taxpayer would cover my mobile bills nor would I be ever be asked IF I would like to buy a piece of land somewhere in EAK. You see, I’ve already asked aliaR for some advice (hey, he’s fluent in German!) but he just replied that I’d have to become even more orange and… Uhuru? Well, you know, he’s a bit pissed at me since I stole his domain name. So anyways, I thought about becoming a Kenyan citizen and applying for a Ministry. Kwani I am a very foresighted person, I already came up with this brilliant plan: Kenya needs a Ministry for Licences.

Have you ever tried to do something in Kenya without a valid licence/permit/letter of approval?

There you have it. And I am the solution. I am hereby applying for the ultimate position as Minister for Licences et al. All those Nyayo House paper works, all those things related to how-to-make-chai and this special thing when you’re applying a stamp or seal on an offical paper. Awww…. a nice feeling.

Mwai, what are you waiting for? Kîrimû kîhithaga rwembea-inî rwa nyûmba kîûî gîtikuonwo.

P.S.: forget the Pajero, I’ll just be fine with a Subaru Legacy. Yes, those new ones. No, without a driver. Thx!

the best things in life are FREE

Just as I was once again reminded today that its those small things in life that make me happy, I received an envelope the next moment (barua pole pole /ado ado a.k.a. snail mail) containing 6 Ubuntu CDs. A live and an install version of Ubuntu’s 5.10 release for x86 (Intel & AMD) PCs, one for 64bit CPUs and one for Apple computers (G3,G4, G5, iBooks & Powerbooks). Everything free of charge!

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I had ordered them via Ubuntu’s website some time ago and still can’t believe those guys are giving them away for free! Of course it’s a great way to promote an already nice product (unfortunately, they never include Kubuntu – the KDE version of Ubuntu – though changing from Gnome to KDE isn’t such a big deal), but this is a serious operating system based on Debian that’s ready to run on any normal computer.

Could you imagine M$ throwing out their copies of buggy Windows XP/Vista for free?

Also, Edubuntu"Linux for Young Human Beings" – is just awesome. Check out those screenshots

@all of K-/Ed-/Ubuntu dev team: THENGIU MUNO! :-)

Ex oriente lux

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." (Margaret Thatcher)

Frau Dr. Angela Dorothea Merkel was sworn into office yesterday as Germany’s first female chancellor (or chancellorette as quoted in another blog) and already made her first offical trip to Paris and Bruxelles to reconfirm this special relationship between France, Germany and the EU.

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Now, blogging on politics often carries a certain punchline somewhere and there sure is a lot of amusing stuff already on this woman and her new team of ministers (as pictured). Be it her ever changing looks (read: hairstyle), her shy husband (who reminds us of Denis Thatcher among other parallels like the scientific background) or even her childhood in the former GDR, which apparently formed her in one way or another.
I think a lot of people in Germany actually like the big coalition between the CDU, CSU (right-wing) and the SPD (somewhere in the middle wing) that enabled this new government and I do of course hope that the other, smaller opposition parties will take a big chance to add their constructive criticsm.
And just as much as I would like to make more fun of all this and openly laugh about Frau Merkel’s clumsy appearances, I would like to point out that it’s good to have a female chancellor in this world of sensitive, neurotic male politicians. I never voted for her, but I am happy that she made it nevertheless.

The alternative would have bored me to death, I think. :-)

Imagineering

Yours truly hasn’t been active in Blogosphera Estate for some days now (not even answering e-mails – sorry Hash, Melisa, Carina, Mshairi, …) –  mainly due to some extra studies in something we call hydrology:

Water Cyle
       (I know you gals & guys like pictures :-)

"Hydrology (from Greek: Yδρoλoγια, Yδωρ+Λoγos, Hydrologia, the "study of water") is the study of the movement, distribution, and quality of water throughout the Earth, and thus addresses both the hydrologic cycle and water resources." (Wikipedia)

Being a student of water and soil management, which is a healthy mixture of civil & environmental engineering, I am supposed to know ALL those things. Yani, I am slowly getting too old for all this. My brain is not like a foam anymore, more like a sieve with big holes. And the more you study, the more you become confused and in the end you’re graduadet and working as an engineer, coming up with all those nice, high-tech, sophisticated & expensive engineering solutions that will make this world a better place to live in and….blabla bla blub.

STOP!

What’s wrong? The approach. The approach on technology is wrong. This is not about high-tech fun gadgets like multimedia camera phones, neat mp3 players or even fridges that are connected to the internet but about solutions that are simple AND important. The world, I think, needs simple, stable, low-cost and eco-effective solutions/products. How often did your modern car fail due to electrical problems (yes, Mercedes, VW & Co)? How often did your mobile phone reset while you were typing an important fupi messagi (sms)? How often were you actually thinking about simpler technologies that would be more stable? More technology =  more problems.

This being said, I today came across this nice word "imagineering" I’ve found on the website of Vestergaard Frandsen – this company in Denmark that develops a practical filter element called "Life Straw" I’ve been blogging about the other day in August (and I just realised they’re having an office in Nairobi as well …aiaaaaa…..how do I apply for an internship? :-).

Life Straw is a 25cm long pipe filter that’s used to filter dirty water and they intend to sell it to the UN & others for world wide use. Vestergaard Frandsen are also suppliers of special insecticidal mosquito nets & tents – or as they call it "disease control textiles" – so they actually know what’s needed in refugee camps and have demanding customers. Great! High-tech products that are required worldwide, simple but effective solutions to help those in need. They call it "imagineering" = creative thinking (imagination) + engineering. Just pure marketing blabla? Maybe.

What I like, though, is their approach on technology. This is not about unimportant gadgets that only entertain people and generate work over at Guangdong, China, but about things the world needs. This is what I am interested in – technology that will make the world a better place to live in; simple but well engineered (read: unbreakable) eco-effective products that DO make a positive change in the world. And why did I mention all this? Because "on the job" you’re often required to cope with compromises. Make it high-tech and very expensive or low-budget-styled and not-so-high-tech?
The emphasis is often only put on costs and not the technology itself which often generates further problems. Maybe they are doing this in order to make additional revenue on maintenance deals but the point is that there’s just way too much money made on useless technology that doesn’t get us anywhere whereas today’s problems (health, food, environment, etc.) could be tackled by putting more emphasis on smarter, imaginative engineering.

Bertiers

So I was just trackbacking a google search request on kenya+referendum+blog I’d found in my site stats and landed on Ruud Elmendorp’s blog – a Dutch video journalist who has published some of his nice videos on his website. Among those featured videos, there’s one on Bertiers – that very special Kenyan "signboard artist" from Dagoretti, Nairobi, Kenya.

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Some time ago I already blogged about other Kenyan artists like Shine Tani, Joel Oswaggo, Maube and Evanson Kangethe (in german, though) and was quite happy when Bwana Shine Tani himself commented on it two weeks ago. Yes, I like East African artists and I know there are even many more, many talented and unique artists that don’t need to sell their drawings at such a low price in order to be promoted and accepted by the western world. So, Thank You, Bwana Bertiers and Bwana Elmendorp for putting even more awareness of Contemporary African Art on the Internet. I think it’s about time my fellow Europeans realize there’s much more to African Art than just batics, wood carvings and Sisal Baskets ("kîondo"). Maybe one day soon I’ll be able to take more pictures so we could at least share them on flickr

Update: I just figured out the song Ruud uses as the intro background tune for this fine (but too short!) documentary: M’bilia Bel’s "Nakei Nairobi" … YEAH!