the open letter

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Dear Chan­ce­lo­ret­te Dr. Ange­la Doro­thea Merkel,

you may not know me becau­se I did­n’t even vote for you during the last gene­ral elec­tions, but rest assu­red, I am just an ordi­na­ry ger­man cho­ko­ra geek who hap­pens to ask nas­ty ques­ti­ons and rants around in his third-rated blog on some­thing we call the Inter­net (yes, that thing your bud­dy Joji Kicha­ka hims­elf inven­ted some time ago).
Lie­be Frau Mer­kel — may I call you Angie? — my agen­da is to pro­mo­te tho­se spe­cial rela­ti­ons­hips bet­ween Ger­ma­ny and Kenya.

I know both of us were born in the same city at dif­fe­rent times, but when your par­ents deci­ded to move to the East, mine deci­ded to move to the very far East (Asia). So I take it that we both know whe­re the East is loca­ted. And in case you did­n’t know, Kenya is a coun­try in East Afri­ca. Afri­ca, my dear, that con­ti­nent in the south that some of your voters can’t even loca­te on the map but alrea­dy iden­ti­fied as a cau­se of evil. Tal­king about the South — Ger­ma­ny has come a long way sin­ce the 1960s try­ing to inte­gra­te tho­se tur­kish workers and their hab­bits and right now, with Tur­key kno­cking on euro­pean doors, you’­re still tal­king about a pri­vi­le­ged part­ners­hip? Ahhhh c’mon, my dear, isn’t it time for a chan­ge? In fact, even Kenya has had their share of “Young Turks” with pro­mi­nent lea­ders like Rai­la Odin­ga for instance, who’s flu­ent in Ger­man btw becau­se he once stu­di­ed not far away from whe­re you obtai­ned your per­ma­nent head dama­ge (PhD).

To be honest — I never real­ly lik­ed your stubborn per­so­na­li­ty and your poli­tics so far, but I real­ly appre­cia­te it that they’­ve even­tual­ly made you beco­me Chan­ce­lo­ret­te. I think this coun­try — and many others — are in need of more fema­le lea­ders. Why? Becau­se women, I think, are more strai­ght to the point when it comes to dealing with important issu­es without regard for any Befind­lich­kei­ten.

The rea­son I am wri­ting to you today is becau­se I would like to tell you about tho­se recent deve­lo­p­ments in this coun­try cal­led Kenya.
Ken­yans are peace loving peop­le (“watu kwa ama­ni”) who suc­ces­ful­ly chan­ged from the Moi era to the Kibaki era — which isn’t such a big dif­fe­rence after all, but tha­t’s ano­t­her sto­ry. So, just last week, Kenya had this refe­ren­dum going on about a new con­sti­tu­ti­on. The­se folks have been working on a new con­sti­tu­ti­on for some time now and asked the public to vote on it. And it tur­ned out that the majo­ri­ty (you as a demo­cra­tic per­son, you know about the impor­t­ance of obtai­ning a majo­ri­ty by all means, or?) actual­ly dis­lik­ed the pro­po­sed con­sti­tu­ti­on. As a result of that and other inter­nal twist, the acting pre­si­dent of the Repu­blic of Kenya, Hon. Mwai Kibaki, sacked aaaaaaaaaaaall­l­l­l­l­l­ll his minis­ters and their resp. assi­stants. He just sacked them. Just like that. 

Angie, I am tel­ling you all this becau­se I know the­re will be a time in future when you’­re thin­king about such strong actions and you will dream about the time when you’­re stan­ding the­re in front of all tho­se men and tel­ling them to pack their stuff and go home. Yeah! 

Sin­ce I know about your quest for wise con­sul­tancy on such mat­ters (weren’t you con­si­de­red the “daugh­ter” of ex-chan­cellor Dr. Hel­mut Kohl back in tho­se days when you joi­ned poli­tics?), let me give you this small advice: 

YOU WILL NEED TO IMPROVE YOUR HANDICAP, Angie. 

We’­re tal­king Golf now, the Golf sport. Remem­ber Joji Kicha­ka? Yup, he’s busy play­ing Golf. You’d like to learn how poli­tics are actual­ly made? Learn how to play Golf! In fact, next time you’­re in Kenya, plea­se say hi to Mwai from me and tell him that we over here at Kikuyu­mo­ja Inc. all appre­cia­te his gol­fing skills. The­re’s a lot you can learn from others, my dear. And Golf will just be the per­fect sport for you. Trust me on this one.

yours truly,

JKE 

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