Kîrimû nî ta mwatû

Since there seem to be some vacancies in Kenya’s political scene, I’ve already written a short message to my golfing buddy Mwai and told him to assist me with this matter I’m having:

I am a german citizen, yani, politics here don’t pay. Over here, I would never get a nice Pajero, no taxpayer would cover my mobile bills nor would I be ever be asked IF I would like to buy a piece of land somewhere in EAK. You see, I’ve already asked aliaR for some advice (hey, he’s fluent in German!) but he just replied that I’d have to become even more orange and… Uhuru? Well, you know, he’s a bit pissed at me since I stole his domain name. So anyways, I thought about becoming a Kenyan citizen and applying for a Ministry. Kwani I am a very foresighted person, I already came up with this brilliant plan: Kenya needs a Ministry for Licences.

Have you ever tried to do something in Kenya without a valid licence/permit/letter of approval?

There you have it. And I am the solution. I am hereby applying for the ultimate position as Minister for Licences et al. All those Nyayo House paper works, all those things related to how-to-make-chai and this special thing when you’re applying a stamp or seal on an offical paper. Awww…. a nice feeling.

Mwai, what are you waiting for? Kîrimû kîhithaga rwembea-inî rwa nyûmba kîûî gîtikuonwo.

P.S.: forget the Pajero, I’ll just be fine with a Subaru Legacy. Yes, those new ones. No, without a driver. Thx!

Author: jke

Hi, I am an engineer who freelances in water & sanitation-related IT projects at Saniblog.org. You'll also find me on Twitter @jke and Instagram.

10 thoughts on “Kîrimû nî ta mwatû”

  1. A ministry of licences is a very good idea. Why dont you lobby the president to create this ministry now that he has dismissed all his ministers? It might just work as a job creation project as the ministry can then franchise the licensing operations to the public so that we all can have a chance to get a piece of kitu kidogo.!! You can hire all the friends who contribute to your blog (it seems to me much too diverse a project for one person alone). I expect to see the blog of government affairs at your ministry soon enough.

  2. Unfortunately qualififactions or abilities are the absolute LAST things that are looked at before giving you a ministry!

  3. Agreeing with Wangui above…when you become minister, you must ensure jobs for your blogging friends such as me. Although I dont know how to drive, I can be your driver…

    ‘Kîrimû kîhithaga rwembea-inî rwa nyûmba kîûî gîtikuonwo’. Great proverb.

  4. Oh Mshairi, there are still plenty of jobs available. Think of the Ministry of Harambee Stars (Adrian?), the Ministry of National Unity (Bankelele?) or even this Ministry of Blogs. The later one will be given to Mental who will be in charge of Kenya’s www representation aka filling IT potholes. I’ve already made plans to install Ory and M as the ones who will be translating the next constitution so that ordinary wanainchii understand its content. As for you, my dear, I think you could take over that Ministry of Ngoma. Lucy told me she would like to have an expert on that position, so I imediately had to think of you :-) Eh! And just the other day we had those plans to bring some more sustainability to Kenya Airways, so I might ask AfroM to help them fix solar panels on their Boeings and exchange their on-board cutlery with disposable forks & spoon (~made out of starch) do stop all those illegal sales of branded company items…

    Let me just go now and teach Frau Merkel how to play Golf, so she can join us on the course soon…

  5. Can I have a job at your ministry? Please. I am very good with rubber stamps, and as M pointed out, qualifications arent a necessity – Oh and I do have a sexy smile too :)

  6. A sexy smile and good with rubber stamps? You’re hired!

    You see, we might need this persuasive smile when it comes to paying electricity & telephone bills. I take it you’re having this special way of sweet talking, ama?

    Irena, we’ll also need an expert on marriage consultancy – fancy for a new job?

    Mshairi, yes, pliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiize! Also, the staff at the Ministry of Cultural Affairs and Mediation need some training. Could you just help out for a moment? Thx!

  7. Yaaay, I am hired. You bet I have a special way of sweet talking people – men are putty in my hands, and if all else fails -I do have a cleavage you know ;)

  8. Great blog, I’m making more time to read the rest of your posts. :P. Keep up the good writing and thanks for your time and efforts writing.

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