da rulez

In a place, where only a very small minority of the population have access to piped water, where the accumulation of material wealth as the main goal has always been part of the cultural heritage, where honesty doesn’t pay, where a man with a Mercdes has more influence than an honourable figure who only scores with an academic degree, and where the educational system lacks any creativity and proper funding, the following rules seem to be appropriate for males:

  • drink as much and as often as possible
  • eat as much as possible
  • feel free to combine the drinking prrroceedja with errraborated discussions on various topics
  • manage to con fellow citizen into bogus deals in order to gain some extra income
  • win a Porsche
  • seriousrry think about starting a porrriiticaarrr carrrriiaah
  • look for opportunities to get laid
  • avoid shaggz by any means except for when you’re completly broke or have managed to share something small with your brothers
  • if in a public job, never mess with the Mama that delivers the morning tea and make sure to have a fresh copy of your favourite newspaper on your desk every day in order to look busy
  • manage to organize some free beers
  • have an opinion on everything but try to avoid any involvment into public affairs
  • look for a crown or a kingdom a.k.a. wife, children, house, car and nearby pub
  • go to church every sunday to hide your true image and take it as a perfect opportunity to look for beauties
  • manage to be in city centre where the action is and be on the spot whenever something interesting happens.
  • know the places where they serve good, fresh, delicious and cheap chicken for lunch
  • if jobless, look for a wealthy politician that needs protection and offer bodyguard services
  • watch US american hip hop videos and learn to copy the bling-bling style
  • look for a cool place in the shadow where you can rest during the extended lunch hours
  • with appropiate anatomic conditions, think about applying as an Office Linebacker
  • tbc…

Posted by

Hi, I am an engineer who freelances in water & sanitation-related IT projects at Saniblog.org. You'll also find me on Twitter @jke and Google+.

4 comments » Write a comment

  1. How true and how sad. shall I add one or two?
    Leave home early to look for jobs and leave your wife and children to fed for themselves.

    Refuse to be innovative and blame the government of the day for everything that is going wrong even when some of it is your responsibility.

    Sit and wait for handouts from your relative in disapora to send you a few dollars and keep texting to ask for such every fifteenth and thirtieth day of the month . Drink half of the money in the next pub

  2. No righteous indignation from me because da rulez make sense. As a middle aged white America I think a set of rules different but with a similar internal logic have mostly governed my own life.

    Why do I always love coming to your realm and to read Solkari, jump up and down with glee at AfriGadget, pour over solar links from AfroMusing, and never miss a day scrolling through the posts at Blog Africa? It’s fun and suggests that in my mundane life, with the little efforts I make to create something good in my garden and with friends there’s more than drinking as much as possible and eating as much as possible which will bring me joy.

    Maybe when I’m feeling clever I’ll make a list of da rulez for middle aged white American guys, damn I’m lazy, but you knew that;-) I like this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAdq8kJUw8I&eurl=

    What I love most about you is that you take joy. Changing the world is for the gods, for mere mortals one good thing can lead to another.