EAKenya – Page 2 – Kikuyumoja

#youknowyourKenyan

A Twitter meme, started by Alen Wekesa (@iAlen), a Kenyan resident in Tanzania, on how to know you’RE Kenyan.

In chronolocigal order, just because some of them are so true. Incomplete, mixed-up list as of 08. September, lunch time, RTs (re-tweets) not included. Enjoy + pls feel to add some more, either via a comment or via Twitter.

@zionafrika #youknowyourKenyan when you arrest all youngest with dread locks for the clam that they are mungiki member
@jke #youknowyourKenyan When a conversation with another Kenyan goes like this: “Ah, so you’re from Kenya? Where from?”
@jke #youknowyourKenyan in the diaspora when your folks in Nbo only call you to ask for kitu kidogo or for that *urgent* Paypal transaction
@Udisco #youknowyourkenyan when you call every City/Town Council “Kanjo”…
@jamesmurua #youknowyourkenyan When your roadside maindi dealer doesn’t have pili pili and you raise a hissy fit.
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you meet a childhood playmate who had one of those nicknames e.g. toi, boi, mdogo etc
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan when you call your daughter “Mum” and your son “Daddy” #buthowwouldiknowidonthavekids?
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when customer serivce agents always have an excuse and blatantly deny responsibility for not delivering service.
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when All children have annoying nicknames. (bebi, toi, boi, kadogo, nyako, dadie, toto, kanono, twig)
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when u don’t have genuine containers or utensils, you only use margarine, ice-cream Blue band, Kasuku, Kimbo
@africafeed #youknowyourkenyan If @coldtusker and @Kahenya accuse you of corruption.
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when ‘no’ or ‘I dont know’ dont exist in your vocab. You always have an idea or always an expert.
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when recycled and repackaged ‘visions’ and ‘dev plans’ since independence still give you hope of a brighter future
@mountainous @youknowyourkenyan when you belive that voting for the same clowns every year because they have defected to a new party will change anything
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you blame TV for corrupting the morals of Todays Children yet you let them watch what they want.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you laugh at how bad things have gotten here… sad sad sad
@Kizee_Brian #youknowyouarekenyan if traffic lights are just a suggestion and you do what you want anyway #youknowyourkenyan
@tchenya @mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when youTotally agree with the wrong grammar #wearekenyan off course
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when your politicians say “dont worry El nino will solve the drought problem” – praying 4 one disaster to solve another!
@Mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan When you don’t remove the plastic cover from your remote, your car seats or your new mobile phone!!!
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan When you don’t remove the plastic cover from your remote, your car seats or your new mobile phone!!!
@mkaigwa @paulakahumbu Hilarious! What about the fellas and ladies on Facebook using pictures of celebs (and having no other pics) #youknowyourkenyan
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan when you want to say what another Kenyan wanted to say first @Tchenya I was just about to tweet that. #iknowImkenyan
@mountainous #Youknowyourkenyan when the only time you visited the game park was during a school trip (Sad!)
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you miss every deadline – Africa time is… ouch!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you use a cute chick avatar on twitter and you’re a guy! Cheap stunt to get followers!
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when your follow #youknowyourkenyan instead of #youknowyouarekenyan
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when your radio station reads news from your daily newspaper and you still have to listen to news.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan if you are still waiting for the ‘Serikali’ to ‘give’ you a job! <== Kwani its an entitlement, look for it.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you complain about everything, power, roads, water, school, food, etc and do nothing!
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you read #youknowyourkenyan tweets to understand who you really are
@jke #youknowyourKenyan when you are still waiting for Nyayo Car.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you insist on negotiating every purchase!
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan when you write tweets long enough that they continue next line (via @TChenya)
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you use twitter instead of woofer.com
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you write tweets long enough that they continue next line
@mountainous @youknowyourKenyan when you ask for a WARM BEER! This has been pointed out so many times by foreigners.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan because nobody has a landline anymore
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when your power is off 3 days a week and they double your bill , and you don’t say anything.
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when you don’t question the publication of prices of sacks of vegetables in the newspaper.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when power company bills u wrongly by 20,000 & says pay & we’ll resolve the problem – or we’ll disconnect u immediately
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when you tell foreigners that ugali is cuisine.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you must have a #HARAMBEE for everything! Amen!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you must have a #HARAMBEE for everything!
@Akarumba #youknowyourkenyan when your MP says ‘I dont earn a 6 figure salary, I only make 800,000!! – Unbelievable!
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when the only thing you know what to do when you drive up to a gate is hoot
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan When you tell ignorant peeps that r runners keep fit by running to school, running from lions (via @paulakahumbu)
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you groove to gospel tracks at the disco
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you have worn a pair of safari boots
@Akarumba #youknowyourkenyan when your MP says ‘I dont earn a 6 figure salary, I only make 800,000!!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when a hole in your ear works like a “KWS smart card” – know what I mean? Free park entry 4 life!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you actually take that 500/- before entering the poll booth…and then vote for the idiot!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you proudly wear shorts, long socks safari boots and say “I’m from Keeeeenya”
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan When you tell ignorant peeps that r runners keep fit by running to school, running from lions – I do it all the time :)
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan coz billions r made by foreigners fm biopropsecting and none of it comes home – stonewash story
@RookieKE #youknowyourkenyan when your mother’s sitting room has all your graduation potraits,and she wants more.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you pay a processing fee then fly to Nigeria to collect your “winnings” in an online lotto scam – WTF?
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan because our politiians s think ‘blog’ is a rude word (via @paulakahumbu)
@VIKKISECRETROXS #youknowyourkenyan when you’re disapointed at the “chai” lattes at Starbucks and you wanna go home everytime you think of REAL tea
@VIKKISECRETROXS #youknowyourkenyan when Obama being president is a reason to drink
@MosesKoinange #youknowyourkenyan when you drink on the beach and feel NOTHING hahahaa
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you can’t work without a steaming cup of tea at your side
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan because our politiians s think ‘blog’ is a rude word
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when u shake ur fists at pedestrians as ur matatu overtakes traffic by hurtling down pedestrian paths on major highways
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you put 5 teaspoons of sugar in each of your ten cups of tea – then wonder why u got diabetes
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you start reading the newspaper with sports, then stars, then cartoons………
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when the boss of your online company talks about the ‘interweb’ in a fund raising meeting – ouch!
@davdalx #youknowyourkenyan when you say your instead of you’re, but still follow the trend
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you say “imbox” while referring to “inbox”
@gishungwa #youknowyourKenyan if you bargain everything including bus fare
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you see a commuter taxi aka mathree conductor hanging precariously on the door.
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you have peculiar calling habits eg jamming the network promptly at 5PM every Friday
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get used to washing in a bucket
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the presidential escort rounds roundabout wrong way crashes into matatu beats up driver 4 risking presidents life
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you realize your convent school classmates are involved in corruption scandals – gr8 education!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when peeps greet you with their twitter names in public – “Hi I’m miss Wretched” @misswretched gr8!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when most of ur tweeps greet u in the morning n ask if you slept well :-)
@natekev #youknowyourKenyan when international artistes fail to show up in ur country days to their concert
@dnyaga #youknowyourKenyan when you speak #swanglish (Me i kulad, i somad, … , then i lalaad!) (via @mtotowajirani @kenyanpundit @intelligensia)
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan if you get an adrenalin rush and dance like whoa!! when the DJ hits a gospel track in the club.
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when someone says “crips” instead of “crisps”
@Wyndago #youknowyourkenyan when you utter half a word in the middle of a sentence just to complete it ‘..then he ca..? He came’
@inteligensia:#youknowyourKenyan when you speak #swanglish (Me i kulad, i somad, i twittered, then i lalaad!) (via @mtotowajirani)
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when some random mamaz show up at your house and tell the mboch “tumetumwa na mwenye nyumba tuchukue gas,fridge….etc”
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you sin all week long and expect that going to Church, listening to Christian music on Sunday will erase it all
@gitts #youknowyourkenyan when you buy a Toyota yet you wanted a Subaru
@gitts #youknowyourkenyan when the car in front of you is a Toyota
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when you cant wait for mayoral elections to happen coz most definately cityhall watauana
@AkelLove #youknowyourkenyan when you’ll take anything that’s free.
@AkelLove #youknowyourkenyan when your president is senile.
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you pronounce heart, hat, hurt and hut the same way
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when the goverment announces an emergency vaccination then the parents go like “they want to make our kids sterile”
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you have a VHS tape of Sarafina in your digs
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you are surprised that the road doesn’t have any potholes
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when telling a story you say half aword and wait for it to be completed
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you have a dog called simba and mbwa kali sign on your gate
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you pronounce Milo me-lo instead of my-lo
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when every time you alight from public transport you have to check your pockets
@inteligensia #youknowyourKenyan when your neighbours kids are called ocampo, obama and bolt! (via @mtotowajirani)
@magaribina Si #youknowyourKenyan when you somehow manage to turn every third sentence into a question, yeah ?
@magaribina #youknowyourKenyan if you measure distance by shillings ( si mbali – ni thirty bob tu)
@MosesKoinange #youknowyourKenyan when someone shows up 2 hours late and says ‘don’t worry, it’s African time” (time to kill them!)
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when the whole village (including the chief) come for your graduation ceremony and insist on decorating you with Tinsel!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when christmas lunch or any party isn’t complete without Chapatis
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you expect “Serikali” to do everything for you, feed, educate, cloth, employ, treat. Heck even pay your Dowry!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan whenever you asked by a TV reporter about any calamity/problem you respond starting with “Serikali inapaswa kusaidia…..
@wilfylou #youknowyourkenyan when you say excusssss instead of excuse me.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you ask for a salary advance the week after payday!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when your ultimate concept of going out is Nyamachoma in a dingy joint while grooving to Mugithi/Benga/lingala
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you think only people from Central love money, We ALL love money!!!!!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you actually believe HIV/AIDS only infects unmarried/loose/poor/uneducated people
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you insist on staying on the more expensive, unreliable, congested cellphone network
@egm_photo #youknowyourKenyan if you complain about the dirty condition of the streets/roads, yet you toss stuff out of your car window free style!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you send a hot chick credit and she flashes you back to just say thanks!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you can’t get your grammar right even in the hash-tag @paulakahumba
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you stop the matatu infront of your gate then spend all day bitching about how Matatu are causing jam
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you wait till the last minute to do your back to school/christmas/household shopping
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you flash someone and when he @ she calls back you only say you wanted to say Hi!!!!
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you call someone just to ask ‘uko wap?’
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when someone insists there only one First family and Wambui et al know otherwise…..
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you call State House and the person on the other end goes, “You want a srap?” lol
@bnalyanya #youknowyourKenyan when you can’t get your grammar right even in the hash-tag
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan when on Sunday Kibaki didnt go to kabarak for sunday service!
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan in Tanzania having a Tusker and its just tastes like crap!
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan when your in Tanzania and wabongo are speaking in Swa!
@Shiko_Msa @iAlen @paulakahumbu @crystalsimeoni when peeps queue at express counter with trolleyfulls #supermarkets #youknowyourkenyan. @toneendungu
@iAlen @Shiko_Msa @crystalsimeoni @Mwirigi #youknowyourKenyan when there’s no news on the news (its the same old same old) haha
@iAlen @Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu @crystalsimeoni RT #youknowyourKenyan when goodbye’s end in “nice time”…uh…yeah you too…
@Mwirigi #youknowyourKenyan when there’s no news on the news (its the same old same old)
@crystalsimeoni #youknowyourKenyan when goodbye’s end in “nice time”…uh…yeah you too…
@iAlen @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you say “Hello” and he answers “fine” …what the hell do you say next? hahahahahahahahaha
@iAlen @kainvestor@Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu RT #youknowyourKenyan when someone calls you and says “who am I speaking to?” hahaha
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get back from holiday and your manager says “your back from China?”
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you’re next door neighbour is a Mungiki adherant and you cant report it to the authorities
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when someone calls you and says “who am I speaking to?”
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you start negotiating for you wallet from the pickpocket on a mathree
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when being able to say “I’ve never given a bribe” is something worth getting a prize for
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you steal from public coffers and get reappointed Minister
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you say “Hello” and he answers “fine” …what the hell do you say next?
@iAlen @queenkenya562 @MosesKoinange @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you call a parastatal and the receptionist goes, “kunatia?”
@paulakahumbu @Shiko_Msa nice one …and #youknowyourKenyan when she says “Imagine” in response to every statement
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you call a parastatal and the receptionist goes, “kunatia?”
@Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu when the word ‘otherwise’ is a greeting #youknowyourkenyan?
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when police refuse your offer of pie in a bag in response to “can u give us something for lunch” – I did that :) ha ha
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when police get into ur car 2 get 2 next police check then offer u KSh 200 for fuel – 4 hours later!
@paulakahumbu @ialen #youknowyourKenyan when the radio DJ tells a crying woman who called in to stay with her brutal husband for the sake of the kids :(
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the breakdown service truck is being towed – I saw that today!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the traffic police are push starting their car
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when u turn on radio and they r playing Roger Whittaker – we must b the only people on the planet who listen to that crap
@iAlen @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “leave a message” when you dial 911 lolest @moseskoinange @ialen @kainvestor
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when they give you anti malaria pills for a headache
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “number out of service” when you dial 911 or KWS hotline for that matter
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “leave a message” when you dial 911
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you tell the guy who jumped the q to go back to the end and he says “do you know who I am?”
@paulakahumbu @moseskoinange @ialen @kainvestor #youknowyourKenyan when ur warned “uta lala ndani” for worn tyres
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Michuki rattles at you and you cant do anything about it!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when half of the MP’s in the house have past criminal convictions! ouch!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when 17 screaming cars 42 bikes with flashing lights pull traffic off road 2 let Rais attend to a golf lunch on a Monday
@wayneryner #youknowyourKenyan when you rape, steal n kill and expect your kids to love n respect you
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when 17 screaming cars 42 bikes with flashing lights pull traffic off road 2 let Rais attend to a golf lunch on a Monday
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when F 2 is beckoning at midnight
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when your listening to Genge!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Kenyans dont know about twitter Trending Topics and cant contribute…..hah
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when karaos on night patrol arrest you and ask for your grandfathers ID….
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Museveni attacks Migingo and Kibaki is comfortably sleeping and doing nothing about it
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when the First Lady goes srapping journalists at mid night….i wirr srapp you
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you are enjoying succulent nyama choma at Dagoretti Corner or Olepolos….yummy
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you hear your President saying Kubaff in public…lol

Know of any other reasons that fit into this meme? Go ahead and comment or participate by adding a “#youknowyourKenyan” to your Tweet!

(Twitter logo based on the wonderful work of Gopal – thx!)

FarmVille ni…

Story by KBW correspondent
Publication date: Aug 25th, 2009

FarmVille is a new Kenyan game on Facebook where you can grab land, excel in overgrazing farmland and overstocking sheep & cattle, buy luxurious decorations and spend the rest of the time idling with a sundowner in your hand.

A report by the KenyaTimes recently revealed that most employees in Nairobi CBD are spending their lunch break in front of computers, playing FarmVille. FarmVille is said to have 9 million users worldwide, a quarter of Kenya’s current population.

A personal computer, commonly referred to as an IBM-compatible device, is a machine often see in offices, hidden under a dust cover. The first personal computer was brought to Kenya by an US-American bible translator family in 1979.

One employee of Kenya Paraffin, Lanterns and Candles (KPLC) who wants to remain anonymous, told us that Kenya currently experiences a power rationing program due to an excessive use of Facebook.

Facebook is a very successful website on the internet (mtandao wa intaneti), often used as a dating site and for subversive political and digital activism. The website includes a microblogging service called “status update” which has recently substituted the blooming Kenyan blogosphere.

Another popular microblogging service called “Twitter” (ndege kelele) has meanwhile been condemned by the Government Spokesperson Dr. Alfred E. Neuman who said that “it can not send SMS” to him. In a related matter, Dr. Alfred recently anounced that those without telephone network should sms him directly so that he can forward the matter to the relevant ministry in charge of terrorcommunications.

A delegation of Kenyan MPs, who is currently touring the United States, recently wrote a letter to the Office of the President, asking for a national holiday to celebrate FarmVille Day. This, as they explained in their open letter, will also help those urban citizens who have in the past failed to secure their own upcountry shamba due to lack of funds and competition in their extended family networks.

A group of young Kenyan writers also published an open letter, claiming that FarmVille actually comes from the United States of America and was introduced to Kenyans by visiting UN interns and PeaceCorps youth who used their daily allowances to access the internet from remote villages. This, as they claim, is “clearly evident as there is no mobile version of FarmVille”.

A group of talented programmers from JKUAT is meanwhile working on a mobile version of FarmVille. The project is financed by Sufericom.

In other news, a Mr. Kamau from Muranga’a was today injured in a battle with Mr. Ezekiel Oluoch, an official from the National Bureau of Statistics who had approached Mr. Kamau for Kenya’s fifth national census. In a heated debate, Mr. Kamau refused to state the actual number of his lifestock.

The fifth Kenya National Census is an inititiative by the GoK to allocate farm land on FarmVille according to family size and fixed assets. In an unexpected move, the World Bank and outgoing ambassadors recently called for a country wide introduction of FarmVille so that no Kenyan will have to suffer from malnutrition in future.

It’s our turn to read

“It’s Our Turn To Eat: The Story of a Kenyan Whistleblower”, by Michela Wrong, ISBN 978-0-00-724196-5

P1030340

After having read this interesting book by Michela Wrong, written in a similar style as “In the Footsteps of Mr. Kurtz: Living on the Brink of Disaster in the Congo” (which I really liked) – I am still confronted with some open, or rather: resulting questions this book has generated.

And this although the issue itself – the bogus deals by the “Mount Kenya Mafia” – have been debated elsewhere numerous times. I chose so call it “elsewhere”, as Michela Wrong also mentioned the (Kenyan) blogosphere where John Githongo’s seemingly sudden departure from the official job & disclosure of cosa nostra secrets had been ripped apart in the usual manner. I am yet to see a German publication where the German blogosphere is taken into account with so much attention. This, however, may be related to their media and German sceptism which doubts anything that’s not published or confirmed by numerous sources.

I take it that a lot of readers of my blog with an interest in Kenyan affairs also read, or at least read about this book, and have their own opinion of it.

Another reason for blogging about this – already closed? – chapter of contemporary Kenyan history is that I can somehow relate to the described silver spoon upbringing of JG in a sense that a) discussions and intellectual discourse where part of the family life and b) that our generation – JG is 10 years older than me but I think most of you are just as old as I am (>30) – still enjoyed this limited or filtered view of the world, where everything new was sucked up with great interest for the lack of multiple media resources that would otherwise constantly penetrate your brain with “news”. I actually enjoyed this part the most during childhood – being forced to live in an environment where news would only dribble in, instead of showing up on the web-based RSS feedreader. Why? Because it enables you to take your time for your own development and dreams. I consider this a luxury that I am not taking for granted. Michela also mentioned this part where listening to the BBC World Service (instead of the montonous “HE DT arap Moi today said…” on KBC) was part of the daily habits. And I wouldn’t limit this to a family’s financial status as most Kenyans actually read more newspapers than e.g. Germans.

Sooo…..my first question is: why was such a book written by a foreign observer? Why not by someone in Kenya or in the diaspora? Because of fears? Or because life is so hard & busy that there’s no time for such excursions? Or is it because of the culture which is so much forward-driven, with a focus on things to come instead of those that already happened?

After the first 100 pages into the book, I thought it is a bit too Kikuyu-centric, but then, again, I think it’s Tucholsky who once said it is best to view your own country from the outside – and if these stereotypes (she even mentioned the jokes) are what it takes to draw a rough picture of this group for the uninformed world, then so be it.

Which effect did this publication have on Kenyan society (within and outside of Kenya)? What’s with the role of a whistleblower (anyone still remembers David Munyakei?) in today’s Kenya and what about that anonymous reporting tool introduced @ KACC two years ago? What do you think about JG’s actions (as described via the book)?

“Kenyans tend to quickly forgive or forget”… in the light of the post-election violence, a corruption scandal may not be that interesting after all.

I also wondered how Kenyans would feel about this book + the story it tells. The way it was written, the examples used to explain historically-based feelings inside ethnic groups, the readership it was written for… questions that pop-up between the lines, how it feels to read about your own people, friends and known public figures.

Michela also mentioned the network: “..he became aware of a delicate cobweb of expectations, obligations and duties tying him down” which makes Kenyan politics so interesting to me. It’s like having half of the Kenyan blogosphere / diaspora as friends on Facebook and Twitter, and then publishing opinionated status updates in a Koigi wa Wamwere manner. And, again, comparing Kenya to Germany (which is an on-going mission of this blog, I think), I am yet to see an interesting book on a contemporary German politician. Most of them are just as boring as their political agenda – which is also why Angela Merkel will most likely win the upcoming elections in Germany and remain Chancelorette for the next legislative period. Not because she’s any better or because she’s a woman (only positive reason, it seems), but because she has a network where she remains the queen at the center of the beehive. This is btw the same woman who once refused to meet with Barack Obama and later on licked his boots just because his network is so much more influential then hers.

You know it’s a bit hypocritical to openly wonder about politics & corruption in an African state when at the same time Europe comes up with ~~dictators~~ leaders such as Silvio Berlusconi in Italy. You can write a book about just another African economy that has been corrupted in the past by the Hippo Generation and a laissez-faire mentality in society, and it will sell quite well. But a book on a corrupt European leader? No. Makes me wonder where our priorities are.

Another detail or theme that I’ve been wondering about is the change on Kenyan culture. Yes, Kenyan culture. As paradox as it may seem – and I am not talking about books like “How to be a Kenyan” by the late Wahome Mutahi, the national dress once artificially invented by the Nyayo regime (Nyayo car??!) but rather this new Kenya which developed along with Moi’s last years, NARC and the 2002 elections and the spirit it brought to society since then.

The appreciation of a society for cultural values – their own + shaped style, language, habits, new communication tools – has so often been an indicator to me of how a country actually performs. Please correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think that Kenya has in the past 10 years eventually found its own roots somewhere out there where local stars have become more interesting than foreigners, where the City of Nairobi is actually (& eventually!) regarded as a cosmopolitan place (despite frequent power failures & water shortages) and where there’s much more nationalism to be found these days which is not based on Obama’s Kenyan roots or just another sports athlete. And it’s not that Nairobi has never been that progressive before – only: the speed of growth seemingly increased tremendously, it seems (to me).

Taking this new Nairobi as an indicator (! – pole for the NGO lingo) for things to come, where do these worlds of the old and new mix up to the bigger picture? When will we see the political change in Kenya the electorate voted for in 2002 and 2007? A new Kenya where power failures are a thing of the past, where broadband internet connections will help the youth stay in rural areas (vs. urbanisation), where water bodies are actually protected and land grabbing reversed for the sake of a growing nation? Where education and proper health care are top priorities?

Questions which probably won’t be answered any time soon, but I secretly wish that integre characters like John Githongo are now using the time building up their support on the basis. Bottom-up instead of top-down – maybe that’s the new strategy these days – loosely joined forces that have a nation in mind and not their own pocket, where qualifications are more important than cosa nostra networks.

Politics. I actually decided not to blog about politics anymore since January 2008, and this isn’t even meant to be book review. I’d love to read about your opinion of this book though, and maybe also find some answers to my given questions above and other things I’ve most definitely left out for various reasons. Thx!

Kweli Sukari ya Tana ni Tamu?

In reference to this story on the ongoing Tana River delta issue in Kenya (shared by Afromusing on FB earlier today), let me pls also forward you to this website & this excellent series of video clips on this pressing issue. The following video clip is part no. 3 out of 14 where Paul Matiku (Director of Nature Kenya) tells us something about the consequences of the proposed plantations in the Tana Delta:

Is Tana’s Sugar Really Sweet? – part 3 (Video by Adrian Seymour on Vimeo).

“Kweli Sukari ya Tana ni Tamu?” – Is Tana’s Sugar Really Sweet? – I guess we already know the answer to this rhetorical question…

the diet

New year’s resolutions are supposed to be made – and then quickly forgotten.

I can’t even remember if it was a new year’s resolution, but it’s January 2009 now and the wife (“she”) said we’d have to go on a diet. South-Beach Diet.

If you’re married or at least engaged, you’ll know that wise men never oppose a female decision (but instead wait for them to remorse on their own). This especially applies to those poor fellows who are married to Thatcheresque characters.

The painful truth is that she’s right. We both urgently need to lose weight – not because we’d been surviving on junk food only (she’s vegetarian anyways), but because food in Germany is just more than nutritious. Whenever I am in Kenya, I lose weight. But here in Germany, it’s just massive. And then all these sweets!

Sweets, dear readers, are one of the two fine reasons why I like German food (the other is Bavarian Leberkäse). And not only packaged Haribo winegums and liquorice, but also fresh cakes from a bakery:

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Choice 2.0

Now compare that with the usual “variety” of marble cakes as found in the average Kenyan supermarket. What a difference and sweet temptation!

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Choice 1.0

Ati? Do I hear you longing for the typical BlueBand (instead of butter) “butter” cream cake?

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The strange Barbie cake found in Nbo the other day

See? That’s the dilemma now. Living in a country where the sweets section alone can fill up a whole supermarket and even provides a bigger variety than the usual and rather boring marble & butter cream cakes as found in ex British colonies (sorry, but I blame this heritage purely on the British inability & disinterest in cooking & baking), you’ll quickly end up eating too many sweets. Just because they are readymade food and can be eaten quickly. And of course because I love sweets.

Other members of the extended family already tested this diet – or let’s say: change of diet, and it worked quite well for them. You’re basically not allowed to eat any bad carbohydrates during the first two weeks, which obviously also includes sugar, bread, potatoes and so on. The list of the NO-GOs is actually quite long – the one of those things you’re allowed to eat rather short.

As you may know or not know: Germans love to have a sweet breakfast (e.g. bread with jam), so this diet requires her to switch to scrambled eggs and bacon instead (ok, this is what I like about UK kitchen at least).

As for lunch and dinner, we’ve so far prepared vegetable dishes based on chickpeas, eggplant, garlic and sometimes even meat (for me, not for her). The meat part actually is quite nice because I didn’t have a proper steak until Xmas and until my good old ex-vegetarian sister Zora recently informed me she’d switched to being a carnivore. @Zora – in case you’re reading this: see how your actions influence my life! :-)

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A snapshot I’d already twitpic’d: looks like Githeri to me, bila potatoes and beans. That’s dal fry, actually. Lentils + onions + tomatoes + some chick peas + curry. Delicious!

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Eggplant/Aubergine with Turkish cheese and garlic + sesame. Grilled in the oven. This really is a perfect dish anyone can prepare within a few minutes.

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Some kind of steak I’d cut into pieces because I wasn’t sure about its age (@intelligensia see “Rost and mboilo”, p.46 , “How to be a Kenyan”). Next time I will just choma this kabisa in the grill. Love the fresh broccoli though, very al dente (mushy food is a no-go except for Irio). I shall have even more meat during the coming weeks. Yay!

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Other, food related matters that are worth mentioning and actually require their own post is Vegefarm – a vegan/vegetarian restaurant opened by very good friends of mine in Bremen – a city in Northern Germany.

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What they do is serving special dishes that almost taste like real meat or fish, but are purely based on gluten, tofu and shitake mushrooms and probably also other vegan ingredients. Quite SE Asian – they used to have a Chinese restaurant (already serving vegan dishes back then) but have since switched to this cuisine only. And best of all is that you can order these fake meat and fish balls based on Tofu & Co. online. I’d seen them importing these directly from Taiwan some years ago, so it’s extremely nice to see them coming up with a full restaurant these days that only serves such dishes.

Those dark green “leaves” on the image above are algae from the sea – and since I grew up on Japanese food, I really, really love the taste of this green seaweed.

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Yes – that’s about it so far. From seaweed to ugali na sukuma to sweets. And there you go wondering why I’d gained weight.

Interestingly though, and the intial reason for blogging all of this: it seems that if you want to survive on staple food only (starch), you’ll pay much less. Try to find decent (!) vegetable during winter season in Europe and you’ll quickly realize that the only place where vegetaboools taste like having grown under the sun (and not in some artificial greenhouse in Spain) is among Turkish supermarkets, next to those Afroshops downtown.

Of course, once I’m done and have lost my targeted 10kgs (hey..easy!), I will have to start my Leberkaese business idea in Kenya :-) Serving tasty meat snacks to commuters – how’s that for a change?

p.s.: I consider this post part of my lifelong Bantu-food-bashing-meme which aims at spreading Swahili food culture from the Kenyan coast to all parts of Central Kenya. Eh!

Flying Toilet 2.0

The Peepoo bag – an upgrade to the flying toilet issue:

The Peepoo bag is a biodegradable bioplastic bag “that sanitise the human excreta shortly after the defecation, preventing the faeces from contaminating the immediate as well as the larger environment”. It’s clearly aimed at current users of flying toilets (~ defecate in a bag during the night or at dawn and throw it away), which is why Peepoople are currently testing it in Kibera, Nairobi, Kenya.

2008 is almost closing and with all that terror and stupidity we’ve seen in the world, I’ve? asked myself about the impact of the International Year of Sanitation which was set up by the UNSGAB for 2008 and whether it actually changed anything to the better.

What about you? Have you thought about or improved your sanitary facilities? Do you have a proper toilet at home and at work? Yes?

Am asking because my (former) colleagues at work actually tested these bags and – not being used to the Flying Toilet system – came up with a list of pros and cons regarding this “technology”:

pro

good for temporary / emergency situations
may be used at home at night
allows for a sanitization within a short time and prevents odours
polyethylene (PE) bag decomposes into carbon and hydrogen compounds after about ~ 80 days
relatively low cost

cons

no permanent nor sustainable solution
plastic bag may be too thin + too small
ammonia gas may leak from torn bags & will become an immediate public health problem
bag system is patented => how do you prevent fake (= non biodegradable) bags?

Turns out I am the only person in the office who thinks this may be an improvement to the people in Kibera.

What do YOU think? Will this be an interesting alternative for over-populated areas such as Kibera?

[UPDATE]: There’s a follow-up to this post on Saniblog.

mhubirigadget

Something tells me that this gadgetimoja will become very popular in some parts of Kenya….

[via]

AOB: my first post from Ubuntu! Earlier this week, a colleague of mine asked me which firewall software he should use next to his Avira antivirus scanner on WinXP. I told him to try Ubuntu instead if all he does is surfing the web + some office tasks. Why? Because it may just be what he needs.
As for me, I’ve switched from Kubuntu (KDE 3.x + 4.x) back to Ubuntu (Gnome) earlier this week as I realized that Ubuntu is what I need on my laptop here. A perfect alternative to WinXP. The only thing I dislike about Ubuntu & Co so far is that it really only makes sense if you have an internet connection that provides enough bandwidth for updates (I am still to figure out how to download updates to an offline repository). Slowly switching from WinXP to Ubuntu apparently also includes the realization that a limited availability of programms (see also Apple Mac) isn’t necessarily that bad. Hey, it even connects to my phone! And printer installation….wooohaaa! 25 minutes / 800 MB software package to install an AIO HP OfficeJet 7210 printer within WinXP, but less than one minute within Ubuntu. Sure, this will only cover the driver, but then – even the driver package alone is ~70MB on WinXP.

microwars

kikuyu

Ok ok, while I can perfectly attribute this “seniormost” to the peculiar psyche of some folks out there, why-o-why is Githongo labeled as “runnaway bureaucrat” on the English page of “Kikuyu” @ Wikipedia?